Chuck Norris Jokes.

[ddongbap]

Chuck Norris is the only person that can slam a revolving door.

[TEHxFALLEN V1.2]

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

W00T! Teh Chuck Norris thread is back!
(:

[ECHOKnight2000]

Everytime you masterbate Chuck Norris punches a Mexican baby

[Bob_VT]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris has no hair on his balls. You can't grow hair on balls of steel!

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris gave birth to himself

[KCALB SIRAY]

The only reason you exist is because Chuck Norris lets you

[eco]

If you meet Chuck Norris and had $5,and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris really has $10..

[TinyGiant]

Chuck Norris can unscramble Eggs

[eco]

Chuck Norris chops trees down with his dick.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

[KCALB SIRAY]

When Chuck Norris was denied a McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

[KCALB SIRAY]

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

[TinyGiant]

When Chuck Norris was Born He spanked the Doctor

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

[KCALB SIRAY]

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter

[KCALB SIRAY]

When was the last time you saw Steve Erkal?..............you can thank Chuck Norris.

[ROCKLAND TOYOTA]

CLEAN OUT YOUR PM BOX IM TRYING TO HIT YOU UP. sorry caps.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

[KCALB SIRAY]

CLEAN OUT YOUR PM BOX IM TRYING TO HIT YOU UP. sorry caps.

its only 50% full not sure what the problem is

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris

[KCALB SIRAY]

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

[KCALB SIRAY]

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

[KCALB SIRAY]

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

[KCALB SIRAY]

http://renegademag.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/tantthumbnail.gif

http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m17/saosague/ChuckNorris.gif

http://finickypenguin.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/chuck1.gif

[KCALB SIRAY]

http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k166/barrichelos/Gifs/1e557-Chuck_Norris_Gun_Happy.gif

[eco]

That last one is Fin classic.

[eco]

Chuck Norris has never cashed a check in his life,he just holds up his fist and people just fork over money.

[Appalachian Trail 2007]

when chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norris'ed

[Crandall]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, to bad he never cries.

[eco]

Chuck Norris dosnt watch the news,he makes it.

[Orangedakota]

Chuck Norris isnt lactose intolerant, he just doesnt put up with any of milks shit.

[KCALB SIRAY]

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Using the formula: (W + I) * C where W = the constant of wood, which is well known to be 61, as agreed in many scientific circles. I = the variable in this equation, and stands for the word "if" from the original problem. As there are three circumstances, with 0 equaling the chance that the woodchuck cannot chuck wood, 1 being the theory that the woodchuck can chuck wood but chooses not to, and 2 standing for the probability that the woodchuck can and will chuck wood, we clearly must choose 2 for use in this equation. C = the constant of Chuck Norris, whose presence in any problem involving the word chuck must there, is well known to equal 1.1 of any known being, therefore the final part of this calculation is 1.1. As is clear, this appears to give the answer of (61 + 2) * 1.1 = (63) * 1.1 = 69.3. However, Chuck Norris' awesome roundhouse kick declares that all decimal points cannot be used in formulas such as this, and so it must be rounded to the final solution of 69 units of wood.

[at3GG]

chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad

[at3GG]

There was no grassy knoll shooter...
chuck norris actually went back in time to save JFK and when Oswald shot, Chuck deflected the bullets with his beard, and JFK died of amazement.

[KCALB SIRAY]

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

[SilverBack]

Chuck Norris doesn't go to the car wash or grocery store. They come to him

[PETERPOOP]

Chuck Norris invented the giraffe by uppercutting a horse.

[Shroomster]

Chuck Norris' favorite flavor of ice cream?


-Blood

[06vitzRS]

If Chuck Norris has five dollars and you have five dollars...Chuck Norris has more money than you.

[Malaya1221]

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Dec. 25th & it wasn't Jesus' birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day Dec. 25th is known as Jesus' birthday!!

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck norris invented the corndog

[KCALB SIRAY]

Chuck Norris can dribble a football

[ddongbap]

Jeez, some of these made me spit coke out of my noes.

Chuck Norris doesn't get swine flu. Swine flu gets Chuck Norris.

http://www.nochucknorris.com/

[SilverBack]

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

[THE ONE]

I don't know if this fits here... But anyway, if it doesn't just delete it....

[AND189]

Chuck Norris dosent use toilet paper... he uses the women he slept with that night

[Malaya1221]

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader..the winner would be Chuck Norris

[Greenthunder]

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter

Chuck Norris puts the fun in funerals

[KCALB SIRAY]

I don't know if this fits here... But anyway, if it doesn't just delete it....

Chuck Norris is going to roundhouse kick you for even asking that question

[Malaya1221]

Everybody loves Raymond... except Chuck Norris!

[Malaya1221]

Chuck Norris got his driver's license at 16... seconds!

[TinyGiant]

Swine get Chuck Norris Flu

[TinyGiant]

dang i reposted. darn it!

[KCALB SIRAY]

chuck norris once had sex in a semi truck, some of his sperm landed on the truck that truck is now known as Optimus Prime!

[KCALB SIRAY]

http://goofygifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/funny-gifs-chuck-norris-approved.gif

[fluke_boy]

dang i reposted. darn it!
Mr. Chuck Norris will never forgive you now.

[SilverBack]

Chuck Norris killed Communism in Russia by sneezing