Fear of kindness

[BailOut]

While heading into my local Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping this morning I noticed a pair of smiling teenage girls right out front of the store. They were holding hand made and cute signs that said "Free Hugs".

I am ashamed to admit that my first reaction was aversion and I immediately began planning how to get into the store without making eye contact with either of them.

Then it hit me. Why am I afraid? What is so wrong with me that I will willingly go out of my way to avoid a simple kindness offered so selflessly from people that are obviously no threat to me? Why am I afraid of human contact outside my tight circle of friends and family? What kind of person am I that I would refuse such a gift as a free hug?

I decided that I had no legitimate reason to be afraid and that I was going to go get a hug, but even so I still had to get over some seemingly innate sense of dread and discomfort. Imagine... a 36 year old husband and Father of 2 stalling his walk to a store front so that he can steel himself to hug some teenage girls.

They did not hesitate whatsoever to give me a hug and I thanked them both for being sweet, and told them to make sure to stay warm.

That event obviously touched me enough to keep me thinking about it, and to write about it here. I don't know why those girls were doing that today but they singlehandedly broke down a barrier that I didn't even know I had. :w00t:

[Malaya1221]

:thumbsup:

reminded me of the line from the movie "crash"!

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. - don cheadle as det. graham

[PETERPOOP]

They sound like girls that need attention....BAD.

[GeneW]

While heading into my local Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping this morning I noticed a pair of smiling teenage girls right out front of the store. They were holding hand made and cute signs that said "Free Hugs".

That event obviously touched me enough to keep me thinking about it, and to write about it here. I don't know why those girls were doing that today but they singlehandedly broke down a barrier that I didn't even know I had. :w00t:

Most of us in the US have strong exposure to cultures that are not demonstrative physically. Even those of us with some latin in our background shy away from this, having been here all of our lives.

There is something of a sense of "mixed messages" from smiling attractive young women who have to advertise "free hugs". It's just "not right". You wonder what is hiding here and what their motives could be.

Rather would have talked to them or watched them first. Seen if their hugs were sincere full embraces or 'half hugs' that connote detachment.

I might have hugged them or talked with them. Perhaps learned what their true motives were, and if they needed help.

Gene

[TEHxFALLEN V1.2]

I would have quickly walked passed them and questioned their motives in my mind.

[PETERPOOP]

Probably an undercover dateline special on elderly perverts.

[TEHxFALLEN V1.2]

See, that's what I would have thought about too.

[Malaya1221]

or maybe they just wanted a "free hug"!:biggrin:

u are what u think!:wink:

[TEHxFALLEN V1.2]

If it was really an innocent "free" hug, that they were giving away.. they would have gotten more than just a free hug from me!

[Malaya1221]

^ exactly!

[eTiMaGo]

JR, you should walk around with a sign "Free Boning - for hot chicks only" :biggrin:

But seriously, back on topic, it's true that people are more and more withdrawn, less open to communication in person. I suppose one main reason for this is indeed that there are a lot of weirdos out there, or just people out to scam you or take advantage in some other way. After all, what good reason would two girls have to give out free hugs? Do they have some hidden camera so they can then blackmail you later? Or are they just a rare breed of truly friendly humans?

It would have been very interesting to find a seat nearby and observe other peoples' reactions. Heck, for all you know, that's what it was, some kind of sociology or psychology field experiment!

[largeorangefont]

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f374/jackdrinksbeer/chrishansonpeekaboo.png

[darthbauer]

I'd take the hug and then check to see if I still had my wallet afterward.

[baked_limabeans]

perhaps they're doing a sociology experiment about exactly what BailOut is talking about.

[kimona]

...some kind of sociology or psychology field experiment!

My first thought when I read the post.

[engelm_]

JR, you should walk around with a sign "Free Boning - for hot chicks only" :biggrin:!

Why would something like this not surprise me?

[eTiMaGo]

Why would something like this not surprise me?

I take it you have met JR then? :biggrin:

[Nigal]

Good for you Bailout. Some of us also have a hard time with intimacy because we consider ourselves givers and not recievers. As a caregiver I have always seen myself as the one who gives and am genuinely taken aback when someone tries to do something for me. 99.9% of the time I would refuse but I came to realize that just as it is a blessing for me to give to others, it is their blessing to give to me. So I am doing better at it now.

[TEHxFALLEN V1.2]

I take it you have met JR then? :biggrin:

:drinking: