The Official *MAD DOG* jokes thread v2 - Page 6 - Toyota Yaris Forums

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:11 PM

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:11 PM

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:11 PM

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:12 PM

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:12 PM

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:13 PM

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

*MAD DOG* · 11-22-2008, 11:13 PM

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .. They don't have balls to scratch!

Bob_VT · 11-23-2008, 10:19 PM

Two friends lived in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. They were sick of winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia.

When the two friends got off the plane -still dressed for Canadian winter weather -they wandered into a pub and sat down.

The locals wondered about these strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitors and said, “G’day, mates. Where’re you from?”

“Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,” one of the Canadians replied.

“Ahhhh,” said the Aussie, returning to his table.

“So where are they from?” the other locals asked.

“Don’t know, mate,” replied the Aussie.

“They don’t speak English.”

Bob_VT · 11-23-2008, 10:20 PM

Steve was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, “That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices … Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”

After considering briefly, Steve decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Steve soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Steve. That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.” Again, Steve thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it took several months before Steve finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, “Admit it, Steve, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

Bob_VT · 11-23-2008, 10:23 PM

A young guy goes to the Job Center in Charleston, W. Va., and sees a flyer advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he wants to learn more. “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up a file ad says, “The job entails getting ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off any hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $55 thousand, but you’re going to have to go to Charlotte, North Carolina. That’s about 250 miles from here.”

“Oh, is that where the job is?” the young man asks.

“No, sir: that’s where the end of the line is right now.”

Bob_VT · 11-23-2008, 10:24 PM

A traveling salesman visiting a small town in rural Texas saw a circus banner reading: “Don’t Miss The Amazing Texan”.

The salesman was curious, so he bought a ticket. The tent went dark. Suddenly, trumpets blared, the lights came up, and all eyes turned to the center ring.

There was revealed a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to the table was an old retired cowboy. Suddenly, the old cowboy unzipped his jeans, whipped it out, and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings!

The crowd erupted in applause, and the elderly Texan was carried off on their shoulders.

Ten years later, the salesman visits the same little town, and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same banner warning: “Don’t Miss the Amazing Texan”.

He can’t believe the old guy is still alive, much less still doing his act. So he buys a ticket.

Again, when the center ring is illuminated, there stand the table and the old cowboy. But this time, instead of walnuts, three coconut s are placed on the table. The old guy stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly, whips it out, and smashes the coconuts with three amazing swings.

The crowd goes wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. “You’re incredible,” he tells the old Texan, “but I have to know something. You’re older now, so why in the world would you switch from walnuts to coconuts?”

“Well ya see…,” says the old cowboy, “my eyes ain’t what they used to be.”

rg570lvr · 11-24-2008, 12:37 AM

How do you know if you have a really high sperm count?..........Your partner has to chew before they swallow.

Tamago · 11-25-2008, 01:16 PM

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' And he did !!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, 'Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.' So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' And he did !!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, 'Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!'

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up The wolf said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up.

Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they tied cement blocks around his feet threw his sorry ass into the creek then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! 'Who the hell were those guys?' they asked.

'Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs

Bob_VT · 11-25-2008, 06:05 PM

Great Joke

Did you know we have a Joke thread? http://www.yarisworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9560

Bob_VT · 11-25-2008, 06:16 PM

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.

Then they all started shouting. '14..14...14...14....'.

Tamago · 11-25-2008, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bob_VT

Great Joke

Did you know we have a Joke thread? http://www.yarisworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9560

was unaware! will remember for next time :)

Bob_VT · 11-25-2008, 08:46 PM

Keep em coming!!!!!

*MAD DOG* · 11-26-2008, 01:05 AM

Will do

11-22-2008, 11:11 PM	#91
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

11-22-2008, 11:11 PM	#92
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

11-22-2008, 11:11 PM	#93
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

11-22-2008, 11:12 PM	#94
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

11-22-2008, 11:12 PM	#95
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

11-22-2008, 11:13 PM	#96
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

11-23-2008, 10:19 PM	#98
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	Two friends lived in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. They were sick of winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia. When the two friends got off the plane -still dressed for Canadian winter weather -they wandered into a pub and sat down. The locals wondered about these strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitors and said, “G’day, mates. Where’re you from?” “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,” one of the Canadians replied. “Ahhhh,” said the Aussie, returning to his table. “So where are they from?” the other locals asked. “Don’t know, mate,” replied the Aussie. “They don’t speak English.” __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-23-2008, 10:20 PM	#99
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	Steve was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, “That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices … Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” After considering briefly, Steve decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Steve soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Steve. That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.” Again, Steve thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it took several months before Steve finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, “Admit it, Steve, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?” __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-23-2008, 10:23 PM	#100
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	A young guy goes to the Job Center in Charleston, W. Va., and sees a flyer advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he wants to learn more. “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk. The clerk pulls up a file ad says, “The job entails getting ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off any hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $55 thousand, but you’re going to have to go to Charlotte, North Carolina. That’s about 250 miles from here.” “Oh, is that where the job is?” the young man asks. “No, sir: that’s where the end of the line is right now.” __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-23-2008, 10:24 PM	#101
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	A traveling salesman visiting a small town in rural Texas saw a circus banner reading: “Don’t Miss The Amazing Texan”. The salesman was curious, so he bought a ticket. The tent went dark. Suddenly, trumpets blared, the lights came up, and all eyes turned to the center ring. There was revealed a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to the table was an old retired cowboy. Suddenly, the old cowboy unzipped his jeans, whipped it out, and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause, and the elderly Texan was carried off on their shoulders. Ten years later, the salesman visits the same little town, and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same banner warning: “Don’t Miss the Amazing Texan”. He can’t believe the old guy is still alive, much less still doing his act. So he buys a ticket. Again, when the center ring is illuminated, there stand the table and the old cowboy. But this time, instead of walnuts, three coconut s are placed on the table. The old guy stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly, whips it out, and smashes the coconuts with three amazing swings. The crowd goes wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. “You’re incredible,” he tells the old Texan, “but I have to know something. You’re older now, so why in the world would you switch from walnuts to coconuts?” “Well ya see…,” says the old cowboy, “my eyes ain’t what they used to be.” __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-24-2008, 12:37 AM	#102
rg570lvr Drives: '08 Yaris MM 3d Lb, auto Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: La. U.S.A. Posts: 204	How do you know if you have a really high sperm count?..........Your partner has to chew before they swallow. __________________ Hackers suck!

11-25-2008, 01:16 PM	#103
Tamago Start another Oil Thread! View User's Garage Drives: ZZW30 Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: South FL Posts: 4,890	3 little pigs joke italian style Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' And he did !!! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, 'Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.' So the stick Pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' And he did !!! So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, 'Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!' So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up The wolf said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.' The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call. A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they tied cement blocks around his feet threw his sorry ass into the creek then they got back into their Caddy and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! 'Who the hell were those guys?' they asked. 'Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs

11-25-2008, 06:05 PM	#104
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	Great Joke Did you know we have a Joke thread? http://www.yarisworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9560 __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-25-2008, 06:16 PM	#105
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. '14..14...14...14....'. __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-25-2008, 08:46 PM	#107
Bob_VT View User's Garage Drives: 08 Yaris LB Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Vermont Posts: 1,704	Keep em coming!!!!! __________________ some people are little slinkies. . . . .they are really good for nothing. . . .but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. Come to the DARKSIDE..... We have candy

11-26-2008, 01:05 AM	#108
MAD DOG Drives: 2011 Toyota Camry Hybrid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 6,412	Will do __________________ "Manual labour is not for me. In fact i'm not even sure non manual work is either." -Anthony Linton Check out ▬▬► I like I like ◄▬▬ for more fun on Facebook

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