Real life funny stories

[GeneW]

Same place with cage had a female department head. She had just gone through a divorce. I think if she had had time to grieve and build her confidence back she'd have been fine. As it was she was angry, bitter and out for middle aged men. I eventually got into the cross hairs, which was unfortunate because I think in a different setting we'd have had a huge amount of fun together.

What made her more fascinating was her fashion model looks and PhD. She almost made it into the Astronaut Corps. She wasn't a lightweight, just hurting and a bit inexperienced working in industry.

In any case she was at her phone arguing with some guy. They went round and round and round. I ignored it as I had work to do.

An hour or so later we show up for the Department meeting. She comes in late and says,

"I talked to Martin of XXXXXX".

She set her work down and shrugged. One of the engineers turned to her and said "It's about the XXXXX, isn't it?"

"Yeah", "K" said. "I showed him who had the bigger dick".

You could have heard a pin drop in the room. This five foot ten blonde goddess with education, smarts, looks and poise opens her pie hole and says THAT?

Gene

PS

While I'm not certain I strongly suspect that K did not in fact have a dick. At least I hope not.

[GeneW]

The Production Staff despised K. They called her various unkind names. Of course she started off on the wrong foot, calling them "Incompetent" the second day she was on the job.

So they piled it on. Discovering that both she and I were single and almost the same age they tried to play matchmaker. They were not subtle about it.

One day one of them, a senior dude, said to her, "Hey, 'K', Gene was at your house the other night. He said he could see your hot tub from where he was hiding".

The guy later claimed, "She shuddered when I told her that". To which I replied, "Thanks a lot, XXXX".

Another time some guys were doing masonry work and using a hammer drill. This same guy says to 'K', "Damn, imagine that as a vibrator?"

K turns to him and says "No, the frequency of vibration is too slow".


Gene

[GeneW]

Originally Posted by TinyGiant

i love those random can't breath laughing moments... its nice to have them here and there :)

I agree.

Brief story....

Friend of mine named Jon had a surname which could be easily corrupted to the word "Wienie". He also was a Momma's boy who was not athletic and had poor body awareness.

Another friend named Joe had this shrieking voice, which he put to good effect. Especially in public, such as at a bowling alley.

Jon was fixing to bowl a straight and just as his swing hits the point of delivery Joe shrieks "Wienie" really loud.

Jon chokes, holding onto the ball, and the swing pulls him right off of his feet. If he'd done something called "Run" and "Play" now and then he'd have recovered nicely, but since he was (and still is) a couch potato he's helpless. That ball swept him right off of his feet.

He basically does half a flip and lands on his back with a loud "slam".

As a nice touch the ball falls out of his hand and dribbles into the gutter... lost.

Joe almost died laughing. I had to admit, I was laughing a bit too.

Jon was such a snob about exercise and here he was suffering the results of not doing any of it. He recovered quickly and proceeded to chase Joe a bit before the Attendant made him knock it off.

Gene

[eTiMaGo]

Thanks Gene, those gave me some good laughs

Lemme see what I can dredge up from my memory... A real dastardly prank to start off...

As some of you may know, my parents run a small hotel down in Phuket, a local tourist destination. So, we got to meet some very interesting people over the years. But, one of the regulars was a young french guy, Wilfrid, who was always really cool and kinda like a big brother to me.

So, one day, I'm about 17 or 18, he's here on vacation, but his arm was in a sling because he had played frisbee on the beach, fell and landed awkwardly on his elbow, breaking it.

I was due to leave the next day (I was in a boarding school in Malaysia), so we went out on the town for a few drinks and chat up the local female population...

Of course, because of his arm sling, everyone was always asking him what happened, how did he break it, etc... So I though I'd have a good laugh... Because it was a bit hard for him to explain properly, I ever-so-helpfully told him a phrase in Thai that would make it clearer...

So for half the night he was telling girls the reason for his broken elbow was masturbation

After a while I just couldn't hold my laughter anymore and told him He was a good sport about it though!!!

[eTiMaGo]

Here's a couple boarding school anecdotes...

As I mentioned above, I went to a British boarding school in Penang, Malaysia from 1995-2001, mostly because there was no secondary school in Phuket at the time, and my parents did not want to send me to Bangkok. I spent some really awesome time there with some great friends... And of course a lot of funny things happened...

We used to have boarding "houseparents", couples of teachers who stayed at the school to look after the boarders. They would change regularly, and at one time we had a pair of new teachers, and he was from Wales, and had a reallllly strong accent...

So one evening after homework time a bunch of us are chilling in my room (I was one of the only guys to have a computer, always a big attraction), and the teacher in question is making his rounds, pops his head in and says "Hello boys, what's happening here?". But the way he said it with his accent, just made everyone crack up and laugh our asses off

---------------

In the final 2 years I was there, we stayed in a separate small apartment building across the road from the school, which meant we had a lot more freedom. But of course, we were not allowed to go out late at night, had to behave responsibly, yadda yadda.. And we had another set of houseparents living there to keep an eye on us.

Anyway one day it is my friend Anisah's birthday, so she gets permission to stay out late with friends and hang out at the local "coffee shop" Of course, by that, understand "Pub"...

So, we had to be back by 11PM, and we were at the front door of the apartment when the houseparents walk in behind us, they had taken the evening off as well... Of course, Anisah was totally drunk and doing her best effort to look sober when the houseparents were casually chatting to us... All went well until we turned around to get into the lift, when Anisah walks smack into the wall next to the lift door!

Luckily it was her birthday and the houseparents were pretty cool hippie-types, but that was a tense moment!

[GeneW]

Originally Posted by eTiMaGo

Thanks Gene, those gave me some good laughs

So I though I'd have a good laugh... Because it was a bit hard for him to explain properly, I ever-so-helpfully told him a phrase in Thai that would make it clearer...

So for half the night he was telling girls the reason for his broken elbow was masturbation

After a while I just couldn't hold my laughter anymore and told him He was a good sport about it though!!!

Reminds me of a friend who was born in Poland and came to America. We went to high school together. Carl had a thick accent and was very very athletic. He was also friendly and happy go lucky.

Carl taught me some handy phrases in Polish. Don't recall them except one he advised me to say to a Polish speaking girl that "I really liked".

He said, "Just look her in the eye and say 'Vudna Peezda', she'll fall in love with you".

I thought, "cool". I should have known better. Carl was an amateur boxer who called himself some nasty Slavic sounding name. He would "greet" fans at ringside by telling them horrible things in Polish about their Mothers while an assistant "translated" it into happy greetings. He used to brag about this to me and others.

A few years later I met a darling girl who had just come over from Poland. We were casual acquaintances and recalling Carl's caution I did not say my magic phrase to her because we were not yet close. She was gorgeous, so well built that she looked like she was going to burst right out of her skin. She took a strong shine to me too.

Met an old friend whose parents came from Serbia, another country that uses a Slavic language. George and I were talking about Nicky. I asked him for some advice on ladies from that part of the world, which he provided. I mentioned in passing, "I'm gonna tell Nicky 'vudna peezda', she'll fall in love with me".

George said, "You like your teeth, don't you?"

I said, "Yeah, sure".

He said, "Don't ever say that to her. If she's a real woman she'll punch you right in the mouth".

I said, "Why? Doesn't it mean that she's a nice girl?"

George got this embarrassed smile on his face, "No. Vudna Peezda means "Good pussy", it's really really vulgar to say to any woman".

Should have figured Carl would say something like that to me. Nicky and I did not become real close but we remained friends. I never had the heart to share my magic phrase with her. Later on I would talk with other Slavic speakers about that phrase, they'd all get that same embarrassed look on their faces.


Gene

[GeneW]

Originally Posted by TinyGiant

i work at at pet store.. we've had dogs eat it dairy queen style many times.. Akitas are well known for doing that.. I call them Akita Poo-eatas

Akitas are interesting dogs. As I recall they are very large. They're also aggressive. I ran into German Shepherd/Akita cross a few years back, it was the size of a small pony. Scary.

Gene