The Official *MAD DOG* jokes thread v2

[*MAD DOG*]

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?

[*MAD DOG*]

If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm Sunday?

[*MAD DOG*]

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BLONDE GENIES?

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.

He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.

[*MAD DOG*]

BIRTHDAY REMINDER

This week we celebrate a special birthday!

Monica Lewinsky turned 34.

Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

[nemelek]

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas
Eve and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, son, but I have to tell
you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is
enough'.
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the
father says 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.
'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like care of this.'
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, 'You
are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until
then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,'
he says, 'they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying
their own way.'

[Bob_VT]

A little boy is leaving school at the end of the day. As he strolls along the sidewalk, a car pulls up to the curb, and a man winds down the window. "Hey, kid, I've got candy in my car. Hop in and I'll give it to you," he says. "No. I'm not going to." The boy walks on. Further down the road, the car pulls over again. " Hey there kid, if you get in my car, I'll give you all this candy, and a big bottle of cola. How about it?" "No way! Now leave me alone!" The boy walks on, quickening his pace. The car again pulls over beside him. "Look, kid, I've got a puppy at home you'd love to see. Get in and I'll take you there. You can have all the candy and the cola on the way. What do you say to that?" The boy is getting agitated. He stops walking, and leans down to the car window. "Look, I don't care what you promise me, Dad. I'm NOT riding in your Yugo!"

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

[*MAD DOG*]

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A.. About three inches.

[*MAD DOG*]

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.