How company policy is made. Feel free to post this up at your work.

[*MAD DOG*]

If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the cage, hang a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with same result ...all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment... with enthusiasm.

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are
participating in the beating of the newest monkey. Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, none of the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana. Why, you ask? Because in their minds...that is the way it has always been!

This, my friends, is how company policy is made and is why, from time to time, ALL of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME.

[A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby]

just my 2 cents.

this might work for small companies that have almost zero global impact,
but is very short-sighted and narrow way of thinking if you are comparing
this to a company with global reach

it really doesn't work that way. this doesn't even elicit a chuckle.

personally, I work hard at 'a big company' and have a huge impact on global interests,
both government and private sector as part of my day job, and reading stuff like this
makes me cringe at the low IQ the original author must have...I mean it isn't even
comedy, it is just sad.

[TRDMarty]

That is AWSOME and so true
MAD DOG, you are the best!!

[*MAD DOG*]

Originally Posted by A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby

this might work for small companies that have almost zero global impact,
but is very short-sighted and narrow way of thinking if you are comparing
this to a company with global reach

just my 2 cents. it really doesn't work that way. this doesn't even elicit a chuckle

I work for a company that has a $2 Million dollar a week payroll and over 1400 employees. This company is owned by a global company. So I guess your wrong eh. But I won't hold my breath waiting for an apology. I'm sorry my humour doesn't cater to your needs. But I didn't put a gun to your head and force you to read this.

Maybe the reason "this doesn't even elicit a chuckle" is because you are a management monkey and it in fact this is a direct emulation of your work situation so flawlessly that rather than laugh you just sigh at the awesomeness of my post.

[*MAD DOG*]

Originally Posted by TRDMarty

That is AWSOME and so true
MAD DOG, you are the best!!

Thank you Someone with brains

[A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby]

Originally Posted by *MAD DOG*

I work for a company that has a $2 Million dollar a week payroll and over 1400 employees. This company is owned by a global company. So I guess your wrong eh. But I won't hold my breath waiting for an apology. I'm sorry my humour doesn't cater to your needs. But I didn't put a gun to your head and force you to read this.

Maybe the reason "this doesn't even elicit a chuckle" is because you are a management monkey and it in fact this is a direct emulation of your work situation so flawlessly that rather than laugh you just sigh at the awesomeness of my post.

mmm, sorry. I am an engineer and scientist, paid for what is inside my skull, in
a 45,000 employee, 3 billion dollar a month profit, global concern. I work inside
government and defense contracts globally, solving deep problems. People
don't pay me to see me look neat, they pay me to think and solve complex issues,
which can make or break a company, or profit margin. It is bleeding edge IT security stuff.

I am not a manager...I need managers to manage me so I can do my job effectively. As such,
I have a good perspective on how things really do work in the world. You cannot over-simply
things and paste it up in bold like you know what is going on, without some fallout from peeps like me.

My company is the best and biggest in what we do, and we don't outsource and we make
everything ourselves and lead the industry in mathematics, securing data, and cybercrime.

Every single computer, operating system, web browser, smartphone...everything that touches the internet
on this planet, has code on it that my company has developed. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Oh yeah and we have been immune to the economic turmoil, because fortunately, I had a vision
that... this is what I want to do for work, and the worse the economy gets, the more everyone needs
my and my company services. We can't hire fast enough (long security checks). We are now big enough
to resist any takeover by 'insert another huge company here'.


I am not here to toot my horn.... I am just here to be cranky and say...'I am not buying
this crap' and I am just posting my opinion. It is not supposed to be a full-on pis*ing match
but hey I can play that game too.

[*MAD DOG*]

Originally Posted by A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby

mmm, sorry. I am an engineer and scientist, paid for what is inside my skull, in
a 45,000 employee, 3 billion dollar a month profit, global concern. I work inside government and defense contractors globally, solving deep problems.

I am not a manager...I need managers to manage me so I can do my job effectively. As as such, I have a good perspective on how things really do work in the world. You simply cannot over-simply things and paste it up in bold like you know what is going on, without some fallout from peeps like me.

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...
If you refer to your spouse as "\woman at home.wife,"
If your favorite TV show is "Mr. Wizard" instead of "Baywatch,"
If when your family is expecting, you are more interested in the ultra-sound equipment than the test results,
If when someone asks "What's new?" you answer "C over lambda,"
If you know Bill Gates' e-mail address, and don't remember your own,
If you are always asking your friends from marketing to hold two leads to a giant capacitor,
If you find your head nodding up and down every time you read Dilbert,
If your pocket is full of too many mechanical pencils,
If when your 3-year old asks "Why is the sky blue?" you start explaining it to them,
If you can explain which direction the water spins as you flush the toilet and why,
If you go to the air show, and you start calculating how fast the sky divers are falling, you may be an engineer; if you start telling all the people around you, you definitely are.
If you need a spreadsheet to figure out who owes what for lunch,
If you plan your family vacation on a Gantt chart,
If you pre-plan your route on a map of the exhibits through the annual computer show at Moscone Center,
If you read PC World and Popular Mechanics while on vacation,
If you are willing to debate for two hours the possible results of an experiment that takes five minutes to run,
If you know the altitudes at which you must turn off electronic devices on an airplane, and why,
If on a camping trip, your spouse starts complaining about bug "bites" and you respond that "Yes, we do need more memory in our computer,"
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX2-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest Sci-Fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music=7F
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your checkbook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the Mission Controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:/ stands for
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

[JumpmanYaris]

Originally Posted by *MAD DOG*

I work for a company that has a $2 Million dollar a week payroll and over 1400 employees. This company is owned by a global company. So I guess your wrong eh. But I won't hold my breath waiting for an apology. I'm sorry my humour doesn't cater to your needs. But I didn't put a gun to your head and force you to read this.

Maybe the reason "this doesn't even elicit a chuckle" is because you are a management monkey and it in fact this is a direct emulation of your work situation so flawlessly that rather than laugh you just sigh at the awesomeness of my post.

Or a monkey beaten so much that doesnt want to talk or a monkey that has no sence of humor lol

[JumpmanYaris]

Originally Posted by *MAD DOG*

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...
If you refer to your spouse as "\woman at home.wife,"
If your favorite TV show is "Mr. Wizard" instead of "Baywatch,"
If when your family is expecting, you are more interested in the ultra-sound equipment than the test results,
If when someone asks "What's new?" you answer "C over lambda,"
If you know Bill Gates' e-mail address, and don't remember your own,
If you are always asking your friends from marketing to hold two leads to a giant capacitor,
If you find your head nodding up and down every time you read Dilbert,
If your pocket is full of too many mechanical pencils,
If when your 3-year old asks "Why is the sky blue?" you start explaining it to them,
If you can explain which direction the water spins as you flush the toilet and why,
If you go to the air show, and you start calculating how fast the sky divers are falling, you may be an engineer; if you start telling all the people around you, you definitely are.
If you need a spreadsheet to figure out who owes what for lunch,
If you plan your family vacation on a Gantt chart,
If you pre-plan your route on a map of the exhibits through the annual computer show at Moscone Center,
If you read PC World and Popular Mechanics while on vacation,
If you are willing to debate for two hours the possible results of an experiment that takes five minutes to run,
If you know the altitudes at which you must turn off electronic devices on an airplane, and why,
If on a camping trip, your spouse starts complaining about bug "bites" and you respond that "Yes, we do need more memory in our computer,"
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX2-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest Sci-Fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music=7F
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your checkbook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the Mission Controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:/ stands for
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

[*MAD DOG*]

Originally Posted by JumpmanYaris

Or a monkey beaten so much that doesnt want to talk or a monkey that has no sence of humor lol

[A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby]

Originally Posted by JumpmanYaris

Or a monkey beaten so much that doesnt want to talk or a monkey that has no sence of humor lol

Ok fellow monkey. I was a Tech SGT in USAF, -AIRMAN- JUMPMAN

E6, two stripes under the star...no mere staff sgt which they just give away if you don't get in trouble

promotion to TSgt has historically been the second most difficult
rank to achieve (only the rank of Senior Master Sergeant, capped
by Federal law, has lower promotion rates) and is the most difficult
promotion most career Air Force members achieve.


worked in communications and crypto for 12th air force
and later, 380th bomb wing (nukes, bitches)

are you also on the path ?

[A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby]

I will indicate which applies to me:

Originally Posted by *MAD DOG*

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

If your checkbook always balances

If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

[*MAD DOG*]

Originally Posted by A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby

I will indicate which applies to me:

Well, you do have a sense of humour.

and futhermore I would like to thank you for serving in the USAF and fighting for our freedom. But I still don't like you

[A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby]

Originally Posted by *MAD DOG*

Well, you do have a sense of humour.

and futhermore I would like to thank you for serving in the USAF and fighting for our freedom. But I still don't like you

that is fine. my funtime hobby is racing bicycles, and we bust each others
chops constantly. so I will dish it out and people have to take it to some extent

I try not be too big a dick but whatever, I am never going to be

a) silent
b) politically correct
c) hide my opinion

[Kaykogi]

HEY I'M MAD DOG, UR BRAINLESS CUZ U DON'T FIND THIS POST I GOT FROM AN EMAIL FORWARD FROM MY GRANDMA FUNNY.

[ilikerice]

I found the joke funny and harmless.. but if I were to post that around my job, I think I will be looking for another job..

still funny and I think. I build buisness jets (structual mechanic). And this isnt how my buisness policy works, But there are some places I have worked for that this applies, sad but true.

Bottom line though.. it was just a joke

[A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby]

Originally Posted by ilikerice

I found the joke funny and harmless.. but if I were to post that around my job, I think I will be looking for another job..

still funny and I think. I build buisness jets (structual mechanic). And this isnt how my buisness policy works, But there are some places I have worked for that this applies, sad but true.

Bottom line though.. it was just a joke

that is what I meant. Really, businesses that actually matter do NOT operate that way.

and it saddens me that a lot of people...a lot like the clueless slacktivists at all these homeless conventions I mean occupy wall street gatherings, also just spew blame and pat answers and cries about corporate yadayadayada but no one has a real clue how stuff works and how things get done.

This one line "This, my friends, is how company policy is made and is why, from time to time, ALL of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME." is a quote from an imbecile

[JumpmanYaris]

Originally Posted by A-Dingo-Ate-My-Baby

Ok fellow monkey. I was a Tech SGT in USAF, -AIRMAN- JUMPMAN

E6, two stripes under the star...no mere staff sgt which they just give away if you don't get in trouble

promotion to TSgt has historically been the second most difficult
rank to achieve (only the rank of Senior Master Sergeant, capped
by Federal law, has lower promotion rates) and is the most difficult
promotion most career Air Force members achieve.


worked in communications and crypto for 12th air force
and later, 380th bomb wing (nukes, bitches)

are you also on the path ?

Woah, lol I smell a edgy tone mister, UMAD.