Fear of kindness - Toyota Yaris Forums

BailOut · 10-20-2008, 03:24 AM

While heading into my local Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping this morning I noticed a pair of smiling teenage girls right out front of the store. They were holding hand made and cute signs that said "Free Hugs".

I am ashamed to admit that my first reaction was aversion and I immediately began planning how to get into the store without making eye contact with either of them.

Then it hit me. Why am I afraid? What is so wrong with me that I will willingly go out of my way to avoid a simple kindness offered so selflessly from people that are obviously no threat to me? Why am I afraid of human contact outside my tight circle of friends and family? What kind of person am I that I would refuse such a gift as a free hug?

I decided that I had no legitimate reason to be afraid and that I was going to go get a hug, but even so I still had to get over some seemingly innate sense of dread and discomfort. Imagine... a 36 year old husband and Father of 2 stalling his walk to a store front so that he can steel himself to hug some teenage girls.

They did not hesitate whatsoever to give me a hug and I thanked them both for being sweet, and told them to make sure to stay warm.

That event obviously touched me enough to keep me thinking about it, and to write about it here. I don't know why those girls were doing that today but they singlehandedly broke down a barrier that I didn't even know I had.

Malaya1221 · 10-20-2008, 03:38 AM

reminded me of the line from the movie "crash"!

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. - don cheadle as det. graham

PETERPOOP · 10-20-2008, 03:42 AM

They sound like girls that need attention....BAD.

GeneW · 10-20-2008, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BailOut

While heading into my local Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping this morning I noticed a pair of smiling teenage girls right out front of the store. They were holding hand made and cute signs that said "Free Hugs".

That event obviously touched me enough to keep me thinking about it, and to write about it here. I don't know why those girls were doing that today but they singlehandedly broke down a barrier that I didn't even know I had.

Most of us in the US have strong exposure to cultures that are not demonstrative physically. Even those of us with some latin in our background shy away from this, having been here all of our lives.

There is something of a sense of "mixed messages" from smiling attractive young women who have to advertise "free hugs". It's just "not right". You wonder what is hiding here and what their motives could be.

Rather would have talked to them or watched them first. Seen if their hugs were sincere full embraces or 'half hugs' that connote detachment.

I might have hugged them or talked with them. Perhaps learned what their true motives were, and if they needed help.

Gene

TEHxFALLEN V1.2 · 10-20-2008, 04:11 AM

I would have quickly walked passed them and questioned their motives in my mind.

PETERPOOP · 10-20-2008, 04:30 AM

Probably an undercover dateline special on elderly perverts.

TEHxFALLEN V1.2 · 10-20-2008, 05:03 AM

See, that's what I would have thought about too.

Malaya1221 · 10-20-2008, 05:13 AM

or maybe they just wanted a "free hug"!

u are what u think!

TEHxFALLEN V1.2 · 10-20-2008, 05:14 AM

If it was really an innocent "free" hug, that they were giving away.. they would have gotten more than just a free hug from me!

Malaya1221 · 10-20-2008, 05:16 AM

^ exactly!

eTiMaGo · 10-20-2008, 07:18 AM

JR, you should walk around with a sign "Free Boning - for hot chicks only"

But seriously, back on topic, it's true that people are more and more withdrawn, less open to communication in person. I suppose one main reason for this is indeed that there are a lot of weirdos out there, or just people out to scam you or take advantage in some other way. After all, what good reason would two girls have to give out free hugs? Do they have some hidden camera so they can then blackmail you later? Or are they just a rare breed of truly friendly humans?

It would have been very interesting to find a seat nearby and observe other peoples' reactions. Heck, for all you know, that's what it was, some kind of sociology or psychology field experiment!

largeorangefont · 10-20-2008, 02:35 PM

darthbauer · 10-20-2008, 02:45 PM

I'd take the hug and then check to see if I still had my wallet afterward.

baked_limabeans · 10-20-2008, 03:31 PM

perhaps they're doing a sociology experiment about exactly what BailOut is talking about.

*kimona* · 10-20-2008, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eTiMaGo

...some kind of sociology or psychology field experiment!

My first thought when I read the post.

engelm_ · 10-20-2008, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eTiMaGo

JR, you should walk around with a sign "Free Boning - for hot chicks only"

!

Why would something like this not surprise me?

eTiMaGo · 10-21-2008, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by engelm_

Why would something like this not surprise me?

I take it you have met JR then?

Nigal · 10-21-2008, 07:08 AM

Good for you Bailout. Some of us also have a hard time with intimacy because we consider ourselves givers and not recievers. As a caregiver I have always seen myself as the one who gives and am genuinely taken aback when someone tries to do something for me. 99.9% of the time I would refuse but I came to realize that just as it is a blessing for me to give to others, it is their blessing to give to me. So I am doing better at it now.

10-20-2008, 03:24 AM	#1
BailOut Steals terrorist's lunch View User's Garage Drives: 2007 Yaris Liftback Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Reno, Nevada, USA Posts: 1,299	Fear of kindness While heading into my local Trader Joe's to do some grocery shopping this morning I noticed a pair of smiling teenage girls right out front of the store. They were holding hand made and cute signs that said "Free Hugs". I am ashamed to admit that my first reaction was aversion and I immediately began planning how to get into the store without making eye contact with either of them. Then it hit me. Why am I afraid? What is so wrong with me that I will willingly go out of my way to avoid a simple kindness offered so selflessly from people that are obviously no threat to me? Why am I afraid of human contact outside my tight circle of friends and family? What kind of person am I that I would refuse such a gift as a free hug? I decided that I had no legitimate reason to be afraid and that I was going to go get a hug, but even so I still had to get over some seemingly innate sense of dread and discomfort. Imagine... a 36 year old husband and Father of 2 stalling his walk to a store front so that he can steel himself to hug some teenage girls. They did not hesitate whatsoever to give me a hug and I thanked them both for being sweet, and told them to make sure to stay warm. That event obviously touched me enough to keep me thinking about it, and to write about it here. I don't know why those girls were doing that today but they singlehandedly broke down a barrier that I didn't even know I had. __________________ - Brian Share the Road I often carry 2 carpool passengers and mountain bikes or snowboards/skis over a 4,500 foot elevation difference. Click the graphic above to see my detailed mileage logs.

10-20-2008, 04:11 AM	#5
TEHxFALLEN V1.2 Banned View User's Garage Drives: '08 Lexus IS-F Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calabasas, CA Posts: 1,890	I would have quickly walked passed them and questioned their motives in my mind. __________________ DON'T LIKE ME? TAKE A SEAT WITH THE REST OF THE BITCHES WHO ARE WAITING FOR ME TO GIVE A FUCK. Sponsored by: Micro Image http://microimageonline.com

10-20-2008, 05:03 AM	#7
TEHxFALLEN V1.2 Banned View User's Garage Drives: '08 Lexus IS-F Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calabasas, CA Posts: 1,890	See, that's what I would have thought about too. __________________ DON'T LIKE ME? TAKE A SEAT WITH THE REST OF THE BITCHES WHO ARE WAITING FOR ME TO GIVE A FUCK. Sponsored by: Micro Image http://microimageonline.com

10-20-2008, 05:14 AM	#9
TEHxFALLEN V1.2 Banned View User's Garage Drives: '08 Lexus IS-F Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calabasas, CA Posts: 1,890	If it was really an innocent "free" hug, that they were giving away.. they would have gotten more than just a free hug from me! __________________ DON'T LIKE ME? TAKE A SEAT WITH THE REST OF THE BITCHES WHO ARE WAITING FOR ME TO GIVE A FUCK. Sponsored by: Micro Image http://microimageonline.com

10-20-2008, 07:18 AM	#11
eTiMaGo vroom vroom View User's Garage Drives: lil red 5-door Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Bangkok, Thailand Posts: 7,744	JR, you should walk around with a sign "Free Boning - for hot chicks only" But seriously, back on topic, it's true that people are more and more withdrawn, less open to communication in person. I suppose one main reason for this is indeed that there are a lot of weirdos out there, or just people out to scam you or take advantage in some other way. After all, what good reason would two girls have to give out free hugs? Do they have some hidden camera so they can then blackmail you later? Or are they just a rare breed of truly friendly humans? It would have been very interesting to find a seat nearby and observe other peoples' reactions. Heck, for all you know, that's what it was, some kind of sociology or psychology field experiment! __________________ The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish. - Robert Jackson Bye bye 1NZ...

10-20-2008, 03:38 AM	#2
Malaya1221 super duper M*******TOR Drives: 2007 jahPANIS egg(Sarao Phil) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Torrance, Ca Posts: 1,011	reminded me of the line from the movie "crash"! It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. - don cheadle as det. graham

10-20-2008, 03:42 AM	#3
PETERPOOP View User's Garage Drives: 08 white liftback Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Oahu Posts: 3,674	They sound like girls that need attention....BAD.

10-20-2008, 04:30 AM	#6
PETERPOOP View User's Garage Drives: 08 white liftback Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Oahu Posts: 3,674	Probably an undercover dateline special on elderly perverts.

10-20-2008, 05:13 AM	#8
Malaya1221 super duper M*******TOR Drives: 2007 jahPANIS egg(Sarao Phil) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Torrance, Ca Posts: 1,011	or maybe they just wanted a "free hug"! u are what u think!

10-20-2008, 05:16 AM	#10
Malaya1221 super duper M*******TOR Drives: 2007 jahPANIS egg(Sarao Phil) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Torrance, Ca Posts: 1,011	^ exactly!

10-20-2008, 02:35 PM	#12
largeorangefont Break'em off some. View User's Garage Drives: 07 Yaris LB, 04 Cobra Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So Cal, OC Posts: 854

10-20-2008, 02:45 PM	#13
darthbauer Not really here... Drives: 2008 Blazing Blue S hatchback Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Posts: 1,062	I'd take the hug and then check to see if I still had my wallet afterward.

10-20-2008, 03:31 PM	#14
baked_limabeans View User's Garage Drives: Polar White Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Louisiana Posts: 52	perhaps they're doing a sociology experiment about exactly what BailOut is talking about.

10-21-2008, 07:08 AM	#18
Nigal Drives: 2007 Yaris S Join Date: May 2007 Location: Piqua, Ohio Posts: 302	Good for you Bailout. Some of us also have a hard time with intimacy because we consider ourselves givers and not recievers. As a caregiver I have always seen myself as the one who gives and am genuinely taken aback when someone tries to do something for me. 99.9% of the time I would refuse but I came to realize that just as it is a blessing for me to give to others, it is their blessing to give to me. So I am doing better at it now. __________________ ********************************* "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds."

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