tool list

[silver_echo]

For all those who have these tools, this is the correct and proper use of them. For all those who don't have these tools if you decide to purchase them for your garage you'll know exactly how to use them so there are no surprises.

************************************************** **********

Guide to Men's Tools

1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly
painted part you were drying.

2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "****!!!"

3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in
their holes until you die of old age

4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads.

5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else
is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat
to the palm of your hand.

7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2" socket you've been searching for, for the last 15 minutes.

9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas fir.

12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has
another hydraulic floor jack.

13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots.

14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect.

16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The homebuilder's own tanning booth. Sometimes called droplight, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of
old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can
also be used, as the name implies, to round off the interiors of
Phillips screw heads.

20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
compressed air that travels by hose to an Pneumatic impact wrench
that grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at GM,
and rounds them off or twists them off.

21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip
or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts
not far from the object we are trying to hit.

23. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, plastic parts and the other hand not holding the knife.

24. THE DAMMIT TOOL: any handy tool that you throw across the garage while screaming dammit at the top of your lungs. also, as is most common, it is the very next tool that you will need.

*So there you have it: a complete description of the tools all men
need, and occasionally use correctly.

[Klink10]

Oldie but goodie.

[chrisj]

Love it!

[coheed]

#3 made me laugh my ass off. litterally lmao

[Altitude]

Originally Posted by coheed

#3 made me laugh my ass off. litterally lmao

Anyone who has tried to remove the stock speakers likely had this exact thing occur.

[Shroomster]

Originally Posted by Altitude

Anyone who has tried to remove the stock speakers likely had this exact thing occur.

next step is to get a bigger drill bit then curse the whole project when the new rivets don't expand to the new size.....