Bad Driving Techniques

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I thought I'd have a little fun with this Safe Driving thread:

http://www.yarisworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13560

If you're a bad driver please add to this thread any bad driving skills and techniques. But please limit your posts to bad techniques and not good ones.

ALL GOOD KIDS LIKE MILK This will help you remember

Aim high in steering:
This means when driving you want to look as far down the road as possible. This will help you pick out the targets you want to harrass. If you see a road hazard, head straight for it, if you are lucky you can cause damage to someone else. It will also help you to analyze the traffic patterns and choose the most hazardous way of travel. Remember, you own the road.

Get the big picture:
Don't focus only on the car in front of you, ride up its ass and flash your high beams. Who the hell do they think they are driving in front of you anyway? Look at others behavior, is the person driving too fast for traffic conditions or too slow? Pick the slow ones and try to maneuver in behind them so you can tailgate and flash your highbeams at them. If they are signaling to change lanes get along side of them to prevent it and act as if you don't even notice them.

When driving in residential sectors ride up on the curbs and get as close as you can to driveways (this will increase your chance of having someone back into you, giving you a reason to get out of the car and beat their ass.)

Keep your eyes moving:
A proper driving technique is to check your immediate area around your car every 5-10 seconds. Screw that. A good way to start is first remove the mirror of the side that is most exposed to traffic follow through with your rearview and then the other side. Who needs mirrors anyway? They will only distract you from finding other motorists to hassle. Try to read the other vehicle movement, for example if you see the other car in front of you is inching closer to the dividing line it can be an indication that the person wants to switch lanes. This is your moment to prevent that from happening, just be sure you flip them the bird when you pass them. If it's a chick on a cellphone, you can also make a V with your fingers, hold it to your mouth and waggle your tongue. Chicks dig that shit. You might even get her cell phone number.

Leave yourself an out:
Pretty self explanatory. Always leave yourself just enough room to slip between cars. You shouldn't have so much space in front of you so that you can see the rear tires touch pavement. This would mean the driver in front of you won't be able to see your headlamps at optimum brightness. My suggestion is limit your distance to about 2 ft. This way if you need to get out of the spot in a hurry you can make a sudden lane change and increase the likelihood someone behind you will crash. You might even clip the car in front of you sending them spinning out of control thus scoring double points!

Make sure they see you:
Intersections and other drivers will only slow you down. Fuck em. Keep both eyes forward and floor it. Are the cars stopped? Make eye contact with the other drivers, directly or indirectly in their mirrors. When they notice you mouth the words 'Fuck You'. Use your horn, lay on that mother like there's no tomorrow. If someone looking at you seems upset, scream obscenities and flip 'em the bird. At least they saw you and got the fuck out of your way. Headlights are for pussies, everyone knows that. The only time they should be used is to blind oncoming traffic or for those people in front of you who don't get the fuck out of your way.

Slam on your brakes on the highway as much as possible. Not using your brakes for no apparent reason is unsafe. The more people that see your brake lights the more they will slow down so you have the road all to yourself, afterall you own it! Secondly just tapping the brake has been proven to provoke a chain reaction of people tapping their brakes thus contributing to traffic congestion, which is exactly what you want.

Hope this will help you be a worse driver. Fuck everyone else.