Benggolf2 said

[Benggolf2]

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't eat bread and besides, she isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

(Your gotta love this)

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead.
I always wanted a police dog.'

[msfire671]

lol. good one!

[Benggolf2]

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot
to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' and
indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at
the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who
was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to
have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7'
inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to
compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and
instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I
have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a
Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and
Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana.

There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and
portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.

Just send the wine back....

Tiger

[yaris-me]

[Benggolf2]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies..

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

[tomato]

hubby was asking for it ;)

[Benggolf2]

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

[SilverBack]

Front door or back?

[Benggolf2]

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers &
Grandfathers? Well here it is:

A friend, just recently retired, now makes a special effort to spend
time with his family and grand kids. Every Sunday morning he decided he
would take his 7-year old Granddaughter out for a drive in the car for
some bonding time.. Just he and his Granddaughter. And they had done this for
several weeks.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel
like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said
that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the
little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" "Oh yes, Opa", the girl
replied, and do you know what?

We didn't see a single dumb ba$t**ds, dip $hi# or horse's ass anywhere
we went today!"

Brings a tear doesn’t it?

[nemelek]

I wanted to be the first to teach my grandkid his first bad word. His mother beat me to it.

[Benggolf2]

For any of you who ever lived in or visited Hong Kong before
1997 and were fortunate to land at the old Kai Tak Airport you will love this!! For any of you who missed this experience you may still get an idea of what skilful pilots were needed to land a large plane on a narrow strip of land that ran out into the Hong Kong Harbour. Often we joked that we could look in the window of apartment 39 B and see what they were having for their supper upon our approach.. Someone did a fantastic job of compiling different shots of many flights at various times of the day.
Good memories.

The Old Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong...The Most Exhilarating Landing Experience in The World.

Click the address below and make sure your speaker are on.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PCOcyt7BPI&NR=1=/a

Enjoy!

[Benggolf2]

Originally Posted by nemelek

I wanted to be the first to teach my grandkid his first bad word. His mother beat me to it.

Must be added to the Guinness Book of Records.

[eht13]

I have landed and taken off from that airport a couple of times... one take-off was in pretty heavy wind too.

[yaris-me]

They should have charged you extra for that thrill ride.

[Benggolf2]

Grab your socks.

This young man sings the National Anthem prior to a college basketball game.
Notice two of the players in tears.

HE IS ONLY 7 YEARS OLD!

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/7-...nthem/40945200

[TLyttle]

Tokyo wasn't a lot better until they extended it. A buddy used to fly Tokyo/Vancouver, and was always pleased when they got off without getting salt water on the tires...

[Benggolf2]

Some Trinidad humor....

Boysie was attending the football club's monthly meeting down in the La Basse. He told the boys that he couldn't make the hunting trip the next day because his wife, Brenda, wouldn't let him go. After listening to the usual comments of 'macommere man' and '$h1t hong', from his friends, Boysie went home.

The next day, however, when the other hunters reached the camp in the bush, who should be there but Boysie, sitting in front of a tent, Carib beer in hand. "Eh, eh, how yuh manage to talk de wife into lettin yuh come?"

"Ah didn't have to", was Boysie's reply.

"When ah went home, ah lay dong in mih hammock to sleep out mih sorrows. To mih surprise, de wife sneak up behin mih, cover mih eye an say: 'Surprise'!" When ah open mih eye dere she standin in a see-trough negligee. Den she say "Carry mih to de bedroom, tie mih to de bed and do whatever yuh want"
"So here ah is!"

[Benggolf2]

It'slate fall and the Indians on aremote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.


When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every stick and branch.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man reply It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a hell of a lot of firewood'.